Questions to Avoid at Holiday Gatherings: Keeping Pregnancy Loss, Infertility, Birth Trauma in Mind.

The holiday season is a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness, but for individuals coping with the grief of pregnancy loss, infertility, or birth trauma, it can be a challenging and emotionally charged period. In the midst of the holiday cheer, it's important to be mindful of how our conversations can affect those who are experiencing such difficulties. In this blog post, we'll discuss some holiday conversation swaps to support and empathize with these individuals. Additionally, we'll explore coping mechanisms for those who have experienced birth trauma and are struggling during the holidays.

Holiday Conversation Swaps

To the Family with a Toddler:

Instead of: "Wow! Sarah is getting so big, when are you having baby number two?"

Try this: "Wow! Sarah is getting so big, what sorts of things interest her these days?"

The first conversation can inadvertently trigger feelings of inadequacy or sadness for someone struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss. Focusing on the child's growth and interests keeps the conversation inclusive and positive.

To the Postpartum Mom:

Instead of: "Ugh, I miss those newborn days, isn't it just the best?"

Try this: "I am so glad you could make it tonight, how are you and the baby doing?"

This swap acknowledges the present moment and the well-being of the mom and baby without making any assumptions about the postpartum experience or potential birth trauma. 

To the Married Couple:

Instead of: "The wedding was five years ago, man, isn't it time for a baby?"

Try this: "What have you and Jen been up to recently, any new hobbies?"

This conversation swap shifts the focus from personal choices or potential need to discuss infertility to shared interests and activities, respecting the couple's privacy.

Coping Mechanisms for Those with Birth Trauma

For those grieving pregnancy loss, infertility, birth injury, or birth trauma who are planning on attending holiday gatherings. Consider these coping mechanisms. 

Practice Deep Breathing or Grounding Exercises: Deep breathing exercises or grounding techniques can help you stay centered and calm during stressful holiday gatherings.

Acknowledge What You're Feeling: It's important to recognize and validate your emotions. Grief, anger, or sadness are all natural responses to trauma, and it's okay to feel them.

Set Temporary Boundaries: Don't be afraid to establish boundaries during holiday events to protect your mental and emotional health.

Do Not Feel Pressure to Share Things: You don't have to share your personal experiences if you're not comfortable doing so. You have the right to keep your emotions private and only share when you're ready.

Reach Out to Your Support System: If you find yourself overwhelmed by heavy emotions, don't hesitate to reach out to trusted friends or family members who can provide emotional support and understanding.

Give Yourself Permission to Take a Step Back: It's okay to prioritize self-care and take a step back from the festivities when needed. The holidays should be a time for healing and reflection as well.

The holiday season can be a particularly challenging time for those coping with pregnancy loss, infertility, or birth trauma. By being mindful of our conversations and offering support, we can help create a more inclusive and understanding holiday environment. Additionally, for those facing birth trauma, adopting coping mechanisms can make the season more manageable.